The Games 2004

My ex boss at Erewash Borough Council when I was recounting the experiences and situations I have encountered through cycling, suggested I should write a book. That was never in my mind but there is little doubt that I have had more, not in monetary terms but in life time experiences from cycling and sport in general than most and certainly on a par with many of the great champions of the past.

When Dr Nigel suggested I should let you into the inside story of working for three months with Jodie March, Katie Hill, Lynda Lasardi, Charlie Dimmock , Lady Isabella Harvey and the reserve a French actress call Nama, (what a shame you never got to see that little lady on your screen) I thought hell why not, because when I talked earlier of life time experiences, “this was the best”.

Out of the blue, I had a phone call from a representative of the production company Endamol Ltd who explained that Channel 4 were considering a live TV programme for Easter Monday, featuring male and female celebrities, competing in an Olympic events (including Track Cycling) that they had been trained in by an Olympic Coach. He then asked if I was interested and would be prepared to go to their offices in Shepherds Bush, London for a screen test and interview.

It was quite a decision for me being basically a very shy person, but I did accept the offer and came through the ordeal quite well really, however it wasn’t 100% certain that it would go ahead at this time and I thought I would be working with guys that would be pursuiting. No problem!

When Colin from Endamol rang me to say it was on and filled me in on the important details, names of the celebrates, the event, the venue and that it was to be done on track bikes to simulate track cycling in the Olympics, I went into shock and I have got to say mainly about the venue. This was to be 200metre indoor running track at Sheffield and when it comes to track sprinting with five up, it is not the place to be.
Anyway after spending an afternoon myself , covering some 200 laps of this wonderful carpeted facility and putting my gear down and down, until we were getting round flat stick, I made the decision it could be done on proper track bikes with no brakes but, but ……. but getting ladies to do it, hell, What a challenge! And please that’s not sexist, that reality.

As the film crew and celebrities were based in the Home Counties, Herne Hill was to be the venue for first three training session. I arrived for the first on 26 January, in a Transit van having collected the bikes and driven over night from Terry Dolan Cycles in Liverpool. It was raining so the track was out of bounds; therefore the training I had planned was out of the window. Fortunately or unfortunately, I had negotiated six turbo trainers for just this situation that we set up in the club room at the track.
I watched the celebrities arriving in their chuffer driven silver Limos, all looking like ten million dollars. I remember thinking, ho sh.. , even the ladies changing rooms at the Hill are gross, but I clearly remember forgetting about that when they had changed and walked into the room with their cycling shorts and tee shirts on. If there is a heaven it has to be something like this.
We did the filming of our introductions and we seemed to hit it off really good from that moment especially when Nama said in her slightly broken English “you shave your legs” and they all proceeded to advise me on how I should do it with other methods waxing, sugaring etc. with graphic details about the bikini line. In reality I have been shaving my legs for sadly a lot longer than them, not that I would presume to teach them anything.
Then came the introduction to the bikes and I was immediately press ganged into adjusting their saddle heights, the embarrassment of not getting it right first time and thinking somebody has to do this, why not me?
I was soon to find out that Lynda hadn’t ridden a bike since she was eleven and Jodie had never been on a bike, let alone fixed wheel, with no brakes, however when everything was set up with me in front demonstrating, the fun and language really started. Isabel couldn’t get enough and Jodie and Nama couldn’t sit on her saddle after ten minutes. The discussion on saddle soreness was enlightening and I was becoming fairly unpopular by the minute with Jodie who suffered more than the others and finished the session with her saddle pointing fully down hill. After an hour I called a halt and started to rub legs, stretch and chat with them. I realized what wonderfully competitive people from a really competitive world they are.
While I was talking to Jodie she looked me straight in the eye and said “Geoff, if you lose my tits with all this training, there will be blokes that will come sort you out” my reply was “Jodie if I lose your tits, I’m going looking for them, promise”

We had three more sessions at the Hill but never got onto the track itself, as it was wet and even when dry there is an alga that forms through the winter on the two bankings making it too dangerous especially with complete novices. Therefore I continued the Turbo training and on the third session we did a mega one and half hours with two big pyramids up to one minute efforts at the top. Quite an achievement from where we started, the girls were a credit to themselves and were starting to express a frustration at not being able to ride the track. I suggested to the producer we went to Crystal Palace running track just down the road from the Hill, where they could ride the bikes. The not knowing was doing no good for their or my confidence if it comes to it.
Two sessions were booked at the Palace for the following two weeks.

When we were doing our long session on the turbo so many comments were made, we were almost falling off our bikes laughing at times but it shows how the girls were now thinking about the bikes and getting the best out of themselves when Jodie said just before a big effort. “Geoff there is something wrong with my position” I said “why is that Jodie” “well my tits are touching my knees” I said “sweetheart there is nothing wrong with your position! It’s dead on, I promise” then she really pulled my cord by saying “it’s your job to sort it out”. I think I just went quite and bit my handlebars.

The first session at the Palace was an ace they all loved riding the bikes and could cope brilliantly with fixed wheel, I didn’t mention that they had no brakes and no one seemed to notice, just got on with it.
There were a few hundred youngsters using the facility and they recognized Katie from ‘Blue Peter’ gave her quite an ovation each time she went round and although Isabella was still trying very hard to be the best, Katie was coming to the top in my book.
Nama was making herself popular with all the big athletes that congregated until we had a crowd, which would have filled a football stadium and nearly made as much noise. Another delicate situation to sort out without upsetting our hosts.

Following another successful session at Crystal Palace we were all feeling fairly confident and ready to put on a show, my money was still on Katie but they were all looking good and I know so much was going to be on the start and who would practice the tight bends in Sheffield.
Even Jodie had warmed to the idea of exercise, however I found out why when she explained that in her house she can walk out of the shower into a drying room that has two mirrored walls. This is how she described what she had discovery that very morning “I looked back and my arse and it really is a better shape now, firmer and fuller” I said “Jodie if you tell people that you’d make me a million and I was the guy that was going to lose your tits for you”.

Before our first session on Sheffield, Charlie rang to say she was doing ‘Ground Force America’ and wouldn’t be able to get for any of the sessions at Sheffield before the show on Easter Monday. She explained that she lives close to Calshot Activity Center and could do some training on that track, would that be a good idea and what should she do?
I said yes it would be a good idea although Calshot is only 145metres round and has much steeper banking it would be helpful. Then I explained that in the race so much would depend on a good start, the ability to hold your position and your bike down on the bends.
We spent half an hour talking it through but it still didn’t do much for my nerves that the first time Charlie would see the Sheffield track was, when she raced the others on it.

Each of the sessions at the wonderful Institute of Sport in Sheffield lasted two hours Isabella, Katie and Lynda really worked hard and let me lead them round fast into the bends. They were getting the message and I was really chuffed for them and with them. What had been achieved in three months was a credit to them, but I still knew there was every chance they could finish in a big heap and decided that they had to have a pushed start to stop any wobberling and coming together at the very start. I couldn’t do too much about the other 590 meters.
We did a time trial over the full distance to get a PB, I haven’t got all the times to hand and Charlie did hers on Calshot anyway but I clearly recall Katie just broke the minute with Isabella a close second and Lynda third. The nice thing was they were really doing their best and were well shattered when they had finished.
When practicing starts I was holding Lynda up ready to give her a sling. In a moment of true weakness I put my head on her shoulder and said “Lynda when I use to look at you in the newspaper, I never dreamt I would ever be holding you up on a bike” she replied “yes and with your hand so close to my bottom, you can touch it if you like”….. So I fought back my shyness for a moment and if ever you shake hands with me, that hand has touched that fabulous bum, making an ‘old man very happy’.
The Race

Endamal the production company did nothing by half and we had a dress rehearsal a week before using students from Leeds University. For me it was like starting again with complete novices and there was quiet a bit of coming together. I think at least two of those taking part in this rehearsal will never ride a bike again but the likelihood of them ever doing so anyway was nil, not an athletic bone between them and it made me even more nervous for the actual race.

We had British Cycling officials to over see the start with white shirted official pushers off and the fact that the stand-ins were so bad allowed me to insist on a good pushed start. I have to say Richie Haynes and his team of officials were great on the night and did a first class job and thank goodness they did because I was away from it in the sound proof interview room watching on a TV screen through my fingers.

Those that watched the programme will know it was a real Cookie race with lots of instances and change of leader. Charlie almost took Isabella over the fence and Lynda almost took herself over but that first corner hell there was no quarter given. Charlie showed her strength and got the lead at the start but couldn’t hold it down. Lynda took over only to be overtaken by Katie who went on as I predicted to win with Isabella second.
All through the interviewers were generating competitive feeling not just between the girls but with me and each of the girls by saying on camera, “come on Geoff what is your production” after each session and getting me to analize each of them in turn with the girls listening. Isabella really fell out with me because I said in my opinion Katie has more sprinting qualities than her and should win. When we sat talking during the final training session she said, “You never liked me right from the start, did you?” So I got hold of her hand and said “that’s not remotely true” than I explained how hard it had been for me developing a working relationship with six beautiful girls, that she was a coaches dream and while Katie may win the cycling event, she would win the competition overall. She liked that, you’re not National Track Coach for ten years without developing a few, ‘get out of hole skills’. Isabella is so keen on looking after herself with what she eats, drinks, vitamins, massage and training and such a contrast to Jodie who was 100% party girl, but they became good friends and no doubt still are.

I hope this has given you an interesting insight into my brief excursion onto your TV screens. For me it was a fantastic release from all the crap in my life over the last two years and a chance to meet and work with six really nice people who live in that competitive world of our entertainment. It will always rank high in those wonderful experiences cycling have given me.
Finally as I wished the girls luck just before the race and going to the commentary room Jodie shouted after me “Geoff if you went on in your skinsuit you’d get fan mail” I love her.

Geoff Cooke Life Member Long Eaton Cycling Club